“GRAM” New Poetry by Rochelle Carr

Best Grandmother in the world!

GRAM

Your hands…..so soft.
I held your hand as a child.
We walked places.
I have veins like you so close to the skin.
How can our skin be so thin?
I looked forward to tickle backs during summer vacation at your house.
Ever so quietly in the mornings
You’d tiptoe into my room when I was older.
You always knew I loved to sleep in.
I can still hear your voice whisper, “It’s time to get up for breakfast.”
I still make tickle backs and whispers for my children.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
You reached for the doughnuts,
American cheese and Captain Crunch cereal stocked in your pantry.
We celebrated junk food Italian style.
Our parents were hippies and we ONLY had junk food at your house and
Ate ourselves silly every summer.
Just because you could spoil us.
Your pantry became a Disneyland of food.
I have a pantry.
Just like you.

Your hands…so soft.
You taught me how to shave my legs,
Wear make-up, use Jergens lotion and lather
Noxzema just like Grandma Dappie.
We painted my fingernails and I was “GIRLY.”
My mom hated Barbies because they had large breasts. I loved them.
I loved their designer clothes.
I loved being “GIRLY” with you.
I dress up and I wear sparkly things
And leather coats, and jewelry.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
I remember watching you that night at the Elks Club
As Gramps took your hand in his
And guided you to the dance floor.
You smiled.
Your body knew what to do with his.
I smiled watching you.
You were made to dance only with Gramps.
Later that night you watched proudly
And smiled at me as Gramps taught me to dance and swing like never before.
It was a magical night and your brother was there.
I found I could dance.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
You always reached into some secret place
And pulled out a five or twenty dollar bill,
Or much more,
For clothes or anything fun
Just because you loved me.
Many a year you sent me a check
Because I had left home at seventeen and
Couldn’t pay my rent or some bill.
You were my hero.
Your generosity… Never made me feel silly or stupid for needing your help.
I have a secret place with twenty-dollar bills
Or a stack of ones
For my children, nieces, nephews
And others that need a helping hand.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
You taught me about painting plaster sculpture,
Your passion for sewing,
And you helped me create beautiful things
Because you believed in me ALWAYS.
I am an artist now.
I paint on canvas with white sculpture
And I use your old sewing machine.
I create beautiful things that people buy now.
Sometimes I imagine you leaning over my shoulder guiding me.
I stay in the lines. Sometimes.
I’m the one that learned to sew.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
Your hands don’t help your body like they used to.
When I visit you from California it’s hardest for me
To look in your eyes.
I hold your hands.
I ache to see you in such pain.
I stare at your hands holding mine.
You can’t say “S” words and it pisses you off.
It’s not fair.
You tell me you are done with your life,
Tired of falling, and not trusting your same body.
Three weeks ago we cried together
As I held your face in my hands before I left.
There is unlived pain inside yourself.
I wish I could own it for you
Making your heart lighter and free.
Tears fall in clumps on my chest.
I write from years of memories that
Sit here grieving inside my head.
I understand I cannot make you feel better.
Instead, I will be feisty, determined, and strong.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
I remember them on my cheeks,
Brushing my hair from my face
As I lie there in your lap.
Gram, Gram, Gram…
How do I tell you everything just sitting here in my heart?
Do I tell you about the gratitude
And thankfulness I feel just knowing you?
What I believe it means to be a grandparent?
You are the best grandmother in the universe.
I will think I was your favorite just because I can.
I am now a mother of five.
I am a grown-up – whatever that means.
First line on my bucket list:
To be the best grandmother.
Just like you.

Your hands…..so soft.
My hands…..so soft.
Just like you.

Copyright 2009 by Rochelle Carr. All rights reserved.